Why am I on Craigslist? Well, allow me to tell you about the last few men I dated:

#1 still lived with his mother. Instant fail. That never went anywhere.
#2 had a girlfriend that he denied having, and invited us both to the same party on the same night. Hah! Cuz you know, *that* was gonna turn out well. (it didn’t)
#3 had herpes. I found out when he invited me over and I opened his medicine cabinet to find Tylenol…and instead found Valtrex. (thank gawd I never went there)
#4 was a complete sociopath. And of course, he was the only one I actually got involved with.

So, with that in mind:

-I’m a totally petite and cute and slender little goth -type chick and I get still consistently carded when I buy booze. Less “goth” and more…industrial – anime.
-Spent some time as a professional model. Not the tall skinny clotheshanger type…the short curvy fetish type.
-I don’t have any children or other sexually transmitted diseases.
-I listen to punk rock and goth and electronica and industrial and trip hop and other stuff you’ve never heard of if you wear polo shirts.
-I hate potheads!!! And I’m a non-smoker so I think dating smokers is gross, too. I’m entirely drug free, but I’m quite lushy on the weekends.
-I dye my hair black and have piercings but no tattoos and I have a professional job and don’t sling coffee or work in a record store and I clean up like a total super villain.
-I am super duper offensively politically incorrect. Sensitive people and I do not get along for long. Take note now or forever hold your peace.
-I guess I should add that I’m a white girl with some Japanese blood? Probably not, cuz then the sharks *really* begin to gather…
-I collect graphic novels and play video games.
-I am an unrepentant atheist
-I read. Voraciously.

And if you:

-caN tYpe aN eMaiLz wIthUt bEinfg rEytArdUd cUz u DuNt geT tHis whoEle coMpuTer tHienge
-Still have all your hair. ALL. Not ‘most’.
-Are not a decade younger than me (I ain’t a cougar yet) or a decade+ older
-Are not fat or chubby or whatever other euphemism for it you prefer
-Do not have an excess of Tom Selleck-style body fur because seriously, wrong decade.
-Have far too much black clothing in your closet
-Are more or less a white boy
-Are not married or involved or pining away or living with your mom and you do not have kids because I don’t need your baggage in my life kthx
-Are not a bicycle-riding vegan superhippie
-ARE 100% OVER YOUR LAST EX.

…then you should maybe consider emailing me.

The photo’s the first thing anyone looks at in a personal and this one’s great. There’s a significant hint of Beatrice Dalle in her pose and style, matched to crappy image quality that reeks of authenticity. If you’re good looking you need to work extra-hard online if you want people to think you’re real. Job done.

She’s smart enough to answer the most obvious question first. What’s she doing here? Her admission of repeated romantic failure is cute – though as someone who was once prescribed yeast infection medication for atheletes foot, point 3 is a worry.

Listing facts in her profile could be considered lazy but it’s far easier to read than prose riddled with tortured segues. Short is good. She gives respondants a lot to talk about and a good deal of information. She’ll be very easy to respond to and will thus get good responses.

Ending with a list of negatives is risky, but she’s generally funny about it, and it reveals as much about her as the people she’s trying to meet.

She’s going to get swamped.

Suggested improvements:

Modify the third point of the introduction. Make it seem less like a snap judgment. A lot of people won’t want to meet someone ready to dump them without recourse over the content of a cabinet. All men know women snoop but we hate to be reminded of it. Like picking your nose allow us to pretend it never happens.

Reconsider “…more or less a white boy…” If she’s a racist, and won’t date people she pre-judges based on skin tone, the photos she receives will allow her to make those decisions. As it stands, the phrase is vague enough to dissuade anyone who’s not 100% caucasian (like her) from responding. There are white guys who she might like who will be put off by a comment than can be read as small-minded and/or hateful. She’s in San Francisco, California , not Birmingham, Alabama after all. Either way, it narrows her pool of respondants and reflects badly on her, she loses.

Original profile here

Share this post via email, Digg, etc.

Hide Sites